It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
