Your face is a jimmy john
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
