You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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