ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
