Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
