You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
