I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
