you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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