so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
