omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
