Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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