Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
