My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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