she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
