I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
