Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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