Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
