I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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