If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
