She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize