and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
