i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
