A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
