she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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