Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
