and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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