I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
