I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
