thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
