is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
