Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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