they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
