This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
She needs sedatives and a leash
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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