I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize