4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
