yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize