I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
