This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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