Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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