my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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