he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
