She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize