the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
