Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
