but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We don't watch enough power rangers
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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