Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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