i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
