i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
