Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
