If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
