I have demons in me.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
