And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize