I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
