We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
