just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
