last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
