hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
