im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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