if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
