i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
