I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
