i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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