shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
