My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
