11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
