You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize