Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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