before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize