She announced her abortion via fbk
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
