Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Randomize